For the Sake of the Gospel


"I do it all for the sake of the gospel." 
1 Corinthians 9:23


For the first time, I felt like I finally understood the cost associated with long-term missions.  I felt it slightly before, just a tingle of doubt and fear.  This weekend, I felt it to my core.  It radiated throughout my heart and soul, and it was painful.

I felt the full weight of all that I'm choosing to leave behind.  I realized all that I'm going to miss out on.  I felt a piece of my heart breaking over the memories that I wasn't going to be a part of.  For the first time, I truly understood the magnitude of this calling.

And I cried out to the Lord.

This future flashed before me of what it would look like to stay, and it was really wonderful. I shared with him my fears of leaving family, leaving the known, saying goodbye to my dearest friends and my amazing church community.  I'd never have to say goodbye at the airport, not knowing when I could make it back again.  I'd never miss a birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, wedding, or a funeral. 

I'd be able to be missional in my community and work.  I'd introduce people to the ways they can connect with unbelievers in the Charlotte area.  I'd organize events and lead mission's committees.  I'd continue pursuing classes in Seminary - maybe even a Master's instead of a certificate (since I'd be working and could afford all of that...).

And you know what God said to me?  He whispered that if that was what I wanted, He would give that to me.  He didn't want me to feel pressured to do this.  As my Father, He understood how hard it was going to be.  He told me no matter what, I was still His daughter - loved and pursued beyond anything I could ever imagine.

I looked at my Father's eyes and was overwhelmed with the grace and love that first made me surrender my heart to Him. In that moment, I remembered the reason I was going.  I took the focus off of me: my fears, my doubts, my dreams. 

"Here I am Father.  Send me.  I'll go."

I may have said it with tears in my eyes, but it was pure and honest.  I'm going for the sake of the gospel.  I'm going because God has given me too much to keep it to myself. To whom much is given, much is required - so I'll go. 

In that conversation of honesty with my Father, He showed how incredibly faithful He is.  He sent me peace that only He can provide.  He covered me in the shelter of His wings, comforting me and telling me how He knows - He understands. 

He knows what it's like to be a servant and say, "Not my will Father, but your will be done." 

I know without a doubt that this is what I born to do.  I know when Christ saved me on that cross, He looked at the future He was calling me to.  I know the Lord has given me and will continue to give me all that I need to do this. 

Every day, He brings me further into submission to Him.  And every day, 
He shows me He is worthy of it all. 

Missions isn't all about adventure.  This whole process is showing me it's more about surrender




Still my heart
Let Your voice be all I hear now
Spirit breathe
Like the wind come have Your way
Cause I know You're in this place

Faith makes a fool
Of what makes sense
But grace found my heart
Where logic ends

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