Week Four

Friday, June 27
Today was a really good day at the farm! We got a lot done - the papaya fields are all cleaned up (minus the insane amount of weeds that still need to hurry up and get gone....), we moved lots of dirt for an aquaponics shed, AND I got to mix cement for the first time ever!! I got to pour it to hold a big pole thing in, and I just felt so accomplished! Another thing I'd never do on my own at home.  I feel like I can tackle these things now without feeling like its just a guy's job or responsibility. Its pretty empowering :) Haha

So yesterday was a day of ups and downs.  I had been praying for the right doors to open and shut, and God answered it, at least for the next year.  I'll be staying in Charlotte for the next year.  I was really upset at first - I felt like I had finally started facing some fears and felt OK leaving everyone behind.  In Fiji, I'm not afraid of leaving family, I'm not afraid of being inadequate.  I'm learning that ALL I do is only possible because of God and the Spirit that lives in me.  I can't do any of this on my own strength.

After I got over the sadness of having to put off international missions, I'm starting to see that its the beat choice.  Gods shown me on this trip that I really need to heal my body first, both physically and mentally.  The food situation proves I'm. It close to bring healed yet.  I also need to face the fears and regrets and other thongs from my past.  I've got a lot of healing to do over this next year, which is exciting and scary at the same time.

Since I'll be staying in Charlotte though, I'll need to finally get a big girl job.  SO if you know of anyone hiring an HR position, keep me in mind :)

Sunday, June 29
On Friday night, a few of us got to go to the market and hang out with this really cool family! They work in one of the stalls, but closed up early and invited us back to the house for tea.  It was another neat experience, one that I cherish even more knowing I won't get to have those same experiences for a while at least. 

Yesterday we went to a really fun zip lining place.  We went on a few different zips, all over beautiful trees and waterfalls. We went on a hike up to some more pretty falls afterwards.  I'm not much for cold water, or hiking near water like that.  I prefer hiking in dry spots just cause I tend to trip standing....so it doesn't mesh well with slippery water :) Haha BUT I still went up a good ways, and got in the freezing water for a bit.  It ended up being quite refreshing.  I told myself I'd do these things in Fiji with as little excuses as possible, and I'm glad I did! We went into a resort town afterwards, and just walked around and did a bit of shopping.  It was weird to be in a place with other people like us....these people were all here in Fiji on vacation.  Just enjoying the beautiful views available over here, but I feel bad they aren't getting to see and meet more of the locals!

Today was another beautiful Sunday.  We had a great service, my favorite part was during bible study when we went over Psalm 84.  I was reminded of how much better my life is now that I have my hope and trust in the Lord.  No matter what troubles I face, no matter what earthly things I want (or think I want), no matter how deep valleys may seem - Its all a blessing from God.  He brings life to the dark places and shields me and gives me honor.  Blessed are those who trust in him! :)

After service, we got to go see another movie in town.  We saw the latest transformers movie, which was great because I got to see Mark Wahlberg for three hours....it was a bit cheesier, but still worth it :)

Monday, June 30
Alright all y'all...I'll admit it.  I'm starting to feel pretty homesick for some reason! I'm missing Mercy and Imogen a lot - I'm scared they'll grow up too much over these two months while I've been gone!! O watched a lot of the videos I kept on my phone of the two of them, and I can't wait to hear their silly voices and noises and personalities :) I told Amanda this already, but I'm missing her and Joel too! I'm thankful for the opportunity I have to learn from the both of them, and this trip has made me appreciate it much more. God has blessed me with such an amazing family, so I guess its easy to see why I would miss them all (including my super awesome church family).

I miss my bestest/other half lots too!! Katie, if you're reading this, be prepared for our sleepover as soon as I get back. Trips to whole foods will be a must, too :)

Sending my love back home to everyone!!!

Tuesday, July 1
Last night, the team got to go to dinner at another persons house.  The food was delicious! There was this super yummy pumpkin curry, which I can't WAIT to try to duplicate back home....it was just amazing. I got to have black eyed peas, too! I don't eat a whole lot of beans back home, but it was nice to have some back in my diet :)

The conversation was great, too.  I was able to learn a lot about some history of the island, as well as hear some stories about the spiritual warfare going on here.  I can say that I am learning and being exposed to a new side of that, one in which I don't think most of us will ever see in such a way.

Today was another great bible scripture class! I prayed the whole time over there that God would just work through me - I realized the past week I was looking to myself and our questions to spur on conversation.  I wanted to take myself out of the equation and allow God to just work.  As always, He used it as a great teaching moment for me! The kids did amazing, the responded well, they enjoyed telling the story back, answered my questions, asked questions, etc.  It was great :)

I was able to learn how to make this yummy dessert this afternoon, too! You just mash up these banana type things (they're bigger, with less acid and sugar...I think they might be similar to plaintains?).  You add in water, cinnamon and ginger.  It would be amazing over ice cream, so I'm gonna try that at home too when I can make my own!

We leave for Suva tomorrow, and I am so excited to see what the Lord has prepared beforehand for us! I'm excited to see the city and work with Homes of Hope. 

Thursday, July 3
I finally feel like everything is really hitting me today.  I don't know why, but driving back from our time with kids at a deaf school, everything I've seen and experienced so far just became real.  It is such an overwhelming feeling.

I tend to hold all those feelings in, just pushing them aside so I can get through the moment and not have to process it at all.  All the poverty, brokenness, hurt, pain, etc that I have seen so far is coming back up.  I don't know how to describe it all, but I know I'm never going to be quite the same after seeing all this.  I just can't go back to the things and way of life that I had before, or dreamed of having.  My heart will forever be changed after seeing these things, and I know God is at work in all of it. 

I know I've seen amazing stories of hope and grace, too.  Those are the ones that I cling to in these moments.  The children who continue smiling, the families who keep pushing through, the amount of trust they give to God through it all.  Its a beautiful thing to see, and I'm so grateful to have those moments and smiles and stories to help when it feels so overwhelming. 

Saturday, July 5
We had such an awesome time celebrating the fourth at Homes of Hope. We got to roast hot dogs and sausages, and marshmallows too! It was a lot of the girls' first time ever doing that, and they had such a blast.  It took them awhile to get the hang of it, but they eventually did!! :) we got to sit by the fire and talk and listen to them sing.  It was amazing. There was one little girl who sat on my lap and played and sang with me all night.  It might have been the most wonderful experience yet. She was so stinking cute, and I wanted to just snuggle as long as possible!

We went to a waterfall this morning, and I actually jumped in! There was a rope swing thing and everyone jumped off a bunch.  The water was freezing, but it was worth it :)

Tonight we are staying in a hotel on the water as our time in Suva comes to an end.  There is hot water here for showers!!!! It's pretty amazing...