First Year
Honestly, I can't believe that I'm sitting here today reflecting on the fact that 365 days ago, I got to marry my bestest friend.
In some ways, it feels like it's flown by. In others, I can't even imagine the days without Mark by my side.
We've done a LOT in a year...got an apartment, got married, moved in together, bought a house, took on new roles at work, lots of traveling, and the whole being pregnant thing...I'm pretty sure we ticked off the biggest 'firsts' in our first year together.
The first few months were hard, and we still have areas that we are learning and growing in - which means we're apologizing and sacrificing on a daily basis.
Before Mark, I was with someone for five and half years, and we lived together for about four and half of those. I considered us basically married - and so did family, friends, and the guy I was with. Yet I can honestly say, it was no where close to married life.
There's something about being married that just changes things...it's not just the titles or the wedding rings. Marriage is a commitment of a different level - even though people can (and do) get a divorce in an instant, there's still so much more sense of permanency.
Whether conscious or not, when your just dating or cohabiting, somehow you know it's possible to get out....without all the legalities that marriage entails. (I will say, when I was with this person, nine times out of ten when I thought about leaving, I just thought it'd be too messy - splitting up furniture, breaking leases, upcoming vacations, family things, etc....but in reality, all that was actually easy to do).
When Mark and I were adjusting to living together, we could get in fights about the littlest things. We were learning our roles, our confrontation styles, discovering each other wounds - along with our own.
Yet we both were able to express ourselves freely in a way that I'd never experienced before. I didn't hold back from sharing my thoughts, my opinions, my pain - for once in my life, I wasn't afraid that the person I was with could just leave - and I knew I couldn't either.
I knew Mark's view was in line with God's for marriage - that it was for life, it wasn't meant to just make us happy or satisfy our needs, that marriage is a sacrifice. And all that meant that no matter how much we frustrated each other, disappointed each other, yelled or walked out - we were and ARE in this for life.
In addition to just trying to learn each other as individuals, we also each gained an extended family and friend circle!
We weren't together long before we got married, so one of the areas that caused pain and frustration (even to this day) that we had to navigate is in regards to re-framing what family looks like. Neither of our families got much time to adjust to the fact that their son/daughter weren't only just moving out so quickly, but were building their own families and priorities and traditions.
Mark and I began establishing a vision for our own family, and making sure that it was protected in it's infancy. Now that we have a baby on the way, it's become even more of a priority - dreaming about starting traditions of our own, plans for the future, what relationships and holidays and birthdays will look like, etc.
Our dream and vision doesn't necessarily line up with others, or what the culture prioritizes, so God's growing us in the ability to say no, the importance of setting healthy boundaries, and to not apologize for putting our family second only to Jesus.
We say no to work opportunities that may mean more money, but less family time. We chose to move into a community that some may deem 'unsafe' with a school district that's not 'prestige', yet it's allowed us to save financially, as well as have ourselves and our future kiddos feel what it's like being the minority (both of which are huge parts of our vision). We have to say no to events with friends and family, especially Friday nights - because we have a weekly date night scheduled and will protect that precious time together.
As I look back on all that God's done in our year together, my heart is just so full. I love getting to push and encourage Mark to be what God's called him to be. I love how Mark does the same for me. He pushes me to speak up, to share my thoughts and feelings, and brings me out of hiding. He's taught me its OK to buy new clothes when mine have holes in them.....and to just get the darn cookie.
I've gotten to see Mark take on new responsibilities, learn to not let others' opinions and words bring him down, and gain the ability to say no to others (myself included). He loves and cares so deeply, and has been able to give that own love and care to himself instead of just others.
I could go on and on and on about the ways in which God has worked miracles to bring us both here today. As I type this, I have one constant little kicking reminder....and I'm just overwhelmed with hope and joy that this little one will grow up, by God's grace and mercy, seeing his/her momma and daddy loving, serving, sacrificing, apologizing, dreaming, and pursuing God's vision for our life instead of our own.
Mark Thomas Smiley....you are my best friend, my better half, my favorite person in the world. Thank you for choosing me a year ago, and continuing to do so every day sense. I love you!!
In some ways, it feels like it's flown by. In others, I can't even imagine the days without Mark by my side.
We've done a LOT in a year...got an apartment, got married, moved in together, bought a house, took on new roles at work, lots of traveling, and the whole being pregnant thing...I'm pretty sure we ticked off the biggest 'firsts' in our first year together.The first few months were hard, and we still have areas that we are learning and growing in - which means we're apologizing and sacrificing on a daily basis.
Before Mark, I was with someone for five and half years, and we lived together for about four and half of those. I considered us basically married - and so did family, friends, and the guy I was with. Yet I can honestly say, it was no where close to married life.
There's something about being married that just changes things...it's not just the titles or the wedding rings. Marriage is a commitment of a different level - even though people can (and do) get a divorce in an instant, there's still so much more sense of permanency.
Whether conscious or not, when your just dating or cohabiting, somehow you know it's possible to get out....without all the legalities that marriage entails. (I will say, when I was with this person, nine times out of ten when I thought about leaving, I just thought it'd be too messy - splitting up furniture, breaking leases, upcoming vacations, family things, etc....but in reality, all that was actually easy to do).
When Mark and I were adjusting to living together, we could get in fights about the littlest things. We were learning our roles, our confrontation styles, discovering each other wounds - along with our own.
Yet we both were able to express ourselves freely in a way that I'd never experienced before. I didn't hold back from sharing my thoughts, my opinions, my pain - for once in my life, I wasn't afraid that the person I was with could just leave - and I knew I couldn't either.I knew Mark's view was in line with God's for marriage - that it was for life, it wasn't meant to just make us happy or satisfy our needs, that marriage is a sacrifice. And all that meant that no matter how much we frustrated each other, disappointed each other, yelled or walked out - we were and ARE in this for life.
In addition to just trying to learn each other as individuals, we also each gained an extended family and friend circle!
We weren't together long before we got married, so one of the areas that caused pain and frustration (even to this day) that we had to navigate is in regards to re-framing what family looks like. Neither of our families got much time to adjust to the fact that their son/daughter weren't only just moving out so quickly, but were building their own families and priorities and traditions.
Mark and I began establishing a vision for our own family, and making sure that it was protected in it's infancy. Now that we have a baby on the way, it's become even more of a priority - dreaming about starting traditions of our own, plans for the future, what relationships and holidays and birthdays will look like, etc.Our dream and vision doesn't necessarily line up with others, or what the culture prioritizes, so God's growing us in the ability to say no, the importance of setting healthy boundaries, and to not apologize for putting our family second only to Jesus.
We say no to work opportunities that may mean more money, but less family time. We chose to move into a community that some may deem 'unsafe' with a school district that's not 'prestige', yet it's allowed us to save financially, as well as have ourselves and our future kiddos feel what it's like being the minority (both of which are huge parts of our vision). We have to say no to events with friends and family, especially Friday nights - because we have a weekly date night scheduled and will protect that precious time together.
As I look back on all that God's done in our year together, my heart is just so full. I love getting to push and encourage Mark to be what God's called him to be. I love how Mark does the same for me. He pushes me to speak up, to share my thoughts and feelings, and brings me out of hiding. He's taught me its OK to buy new clothes when mine have holes in them.....and to just get the darn cookie.
I've gotten to see Mark take on new responsibilities, learn to not let others' opinions and words bring him down, and gain the ability to say no to others (myself included). He loves and cares so deeply, and has been able to give that own love and care to himself instead of just others.
I could go on and on and on about the ways in which God has worked miracles to bring us both here today. As I type this, I have one constant little kicking reminder....and I'm just overwhelmed with hope and joy that this little one will grow up, by God's grace and mercy, seeing his/her momma and daddy loving, serving, sacrificing, apologizing, dreaming, and pursuing God's vision for our life instead of our own.Mark Thomas Smiley....you are my best friend, my better half, my favorite person in the world. Thank you for choosing me a year ago, and continuing to do so every day sense. I love you!!
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