We Are Free

I thanked God today.

It may not seem like much to you - that statement. Yet for me, that statement speaks volumes.

My life this past year has been full of so many ups and downs, which I'm guessing yours has as well. The past several months for me have been full of just downs...deep, deep downs.

The kind that makes it hard to sense there will ever be a time of 'up' again.
The kind that feels like the world is heavy is on your shoulders.
The kind that has you wondering if you even have any tears left to cry.
The kind that leaves you weary, tired, exhausted and burnt out.
The kind that has you grasping on to your faith by a thin, thin rope.

I've been angry at Him a lot. I've been avoiding being in His presence. I've been asking why in the world He didn't bring healing and freedom when I asked.

I've been asking Him how He could ever really call Himself the God of Love when He was allowing me to suffer these hardships, this pain, this heartache.

So I'm not joking when I say I sense there's a celebration in Heaven when I thanked God today.

My life and emotions have always been dictated by others expectations of me (that in itself is a huge thing to realise and admit).

But I don't think I was brought through these fires to just realise that. I believe that the Lord brought me to this place to set me free from that weight.

The weight of worrying how others viewed me.
The weight of letting others words define me.
The weight of giving people power over my choices.
The weight of surrendering my voice.

After a life living under the expectations of others, He is ever so lovingly showing me that when Jesus died and rose again, it broke the power of that weight, too.

"Father:
thank you for bringing me to a place where I didn't know I needed to be.  
You brought me to a place where you're the only person I can run to.  
When those closest to me don't understand...when I feel 
like no one ever will - Lord, you draw me close."

In this season, it feels like I'm expected to live in a place of fear....
Fear that I'll keep messing up.  
Fear that I won't have any control. 
Fear that I'll be unable to make wise decisions.
Fear that my life won't be a proper reflection of a heart truly changed by Jesus.

I thought something was wrong with me for wanting to fight against that fear. It's caused my brain to go into overdrive analysing actions and words and letting that fear just seep into my skin.

"Father:
It's your eyes I want to see myself through.  
It's your voice I want to guide me. And it's 
your value of me that I want to rest in."

Jesus.
Jesus.
Jesus.


These are the words I heard over and over as I was thinking about the fear. And that's when it hit me.

Jesus.
 Jesus.

Jesus.


"Father:
It's His name that you are declaring over all of my failures. 
Over all of my weaknesses. Over all my decisions. 
Over all of my self-control. Over all of my heart. 
It's His name that will restore me, 
empower me, and strengthen me
day after day."

Friend, God didn't give you a spirit of Fear. He didn't send Jesus to die on the cross so that you would sit on the sidelines of life - afraid that if you went out, you'd fail
God didn't send His Son to this Earth to put the weight of expectation on you.  God certainly didn't have His Son lay down His life so that you could work hard to be a perfect reflection of Him in this Earth. 

No, God didn't give you a spirit of Fear, but a Spirit of 
Power. Love. Self-Control.

If you love Jesus friend, then this is the Spirit that lives inside of you. 
You are full of Power - power to push off that weight of others' expectations. 
You are full of Love - love that covers a multitude of sins.
You are full of Self-Control - self-control that enables you to make wise decisions.

We are not here to be perfect. We are not here to live a life without falling. We are not here to be what anyone expects us to be.

We are here to be imperfect, yet reflect His power to save through those imperfections. 
We are here to fall and mess up, yet reflect His forgiveness by forgiving ourselves (and others!) as He forgave us.

Friend, 
You are not here to be what your family expect you to be. 
You are not here to be what your friends expect you to be. 
You are not here to be what society expects you to be. 

Yes, allow them to guide you and shepherd you, but the only person you should expect to be is the uniquely designed daughter or son that the King created you to be.

Let His voice be the one that you listen to above all others. 

My prayer for you sweet, fierce, powerful friend is that you are able to see yourself through His eyes.

If we could grasp this, I just have this surety that instead of living a life in fear of our next failure, we would live a life that shows we are set FREE by that work on the cross - for all of our past, all of our present, and all of our future.

"Father:
Thank you for bringing me here. 
For bringing me to a place so dark, so hard, so lonely...so broken.

If I wasn't in this place, I couldn't know what true Light is. 
I wouldn't truly feel Comfort or Peace. I wouldn't 
experience the fellowship of Your presence.

And I wouldn't know what it was like to be 
put back together...truly healed.
Truly free."








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