Dependence & Surrender

I had the most amazing time in Thailand at the end of January - it was truly a blessing to get to go :) I was able to meet some incredible people, and my heart was encouraged in wonderful ways.

The theme at the start of the week was 'Dependence.' I was praying before I left that God would speak to me in regards to dependence, and what that might look like for me.  I also asked Him for a word or something He wanted me to get out of the week.  He repeatedly gave the word and image of 'Surrender.'

With those two themes, how could I not expect God to show up in a big way?

I don't know about you, but the words dependence and surrender bring another word to mind: weakness.  To be dependent on someone else, to be surrendered to something - I kind of cringe and shudder at that thought!

In our culture and western mindset, we value independence.  We value being in control - of our emotions, our lives, our dreams, our plans, everything.  In regards to being a woman, I'm told that being strong means 'I don't need no man.'  I can do it on my own!

It sure seems empowering. The thought of being able to do things on your own, and being able to control what comes and goes in your life. Having complete freedom to go where you please, do what you want, and never have to hear (or at least obey) the words 'no.'

{that just set off a million thoughts - disobeying the words 'no'

abuse

rape

violence

addictions

but that's not the purpose of this post}

In my life, being dependent and surrendering pieces of myself led to hurt, broken trust, heartbreak, and a lot of bad decisions. Even after becoming a Christian, I would always tell myself that I would never depend on anyone else. I could surrender myself to God, but just certain pieces. I'd control what I revealed to Him and let Him have access to. It sounds silly, but don't act like you haven't done the same thing...

Over this past year and half, God's graciously broken down many of those thoughts.  You can't really have a loving relationship with someone without surrendering access to your heart, your dreams, your thoughts, your behavior, etc.  He has taught me that I can depend on Him.  I can surrender my all to Him, knowing that His best is my best.

Something else that He taught me in Thailand is that He has made England my home. I missed the people.  I missed the accents.  I missed the culture.  I missed my church.  I missed my roomie and work buddies. After just four months here, it's amazing to have that feeling!! I see it as a complete answer to prayers, and a truly beautiful gift from my Father. 

I don't know what the future holds in regards to where I'll live and end up, but for now, He is growing my heart for the UK - and that's a pretty amazing gift :)

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

Isaiah 41:13

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6