One Year Ago Today
Today is a pretty important day for me. Nothing really exciting is happening today, but the date is one that will forever be celebrated in my life: February 16th.
One year ago today, I was baptized. Although I had given my life to Christ about a year and half before, I hadn't had the outward proclamation of my faith yet. It was a whirlwind of a weekend for me, and one that I can't help but to smile and rejoice over! You can read about that experience in my blog post here!
In remembrance of that day, I thought I'd finally share the story the Lord has given me. There are several things that I haven't put in here, but maybe one day I will feel brave enough to share those parts. Until then, I'd love for you to see how God rescued and redeemed one of His lost daughters to bring me home to Him :)
I decided to pursue my Master’s degree in Richmond, where I would get to live and spend time with my dad. Andrew wasn’t interested in moving, so I thought we would give the long-distance thing a try. I wasn’t concerned about it because we had been together over five years and had our lives completely planned out – baby names and all! I went to see him for a few days before making my move to Richmond official. I went inside for about five minutes before my whole world came crashing down. He told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He needed a break in order to see if I was really the one. I was completely shocked, and completely heartbroken. The next few days were probably the hardest of my life so far.
I felt more alone than ever. My dad and his wife were on a two-week trip, so I was all by myself in Richmond. I didn’t know anyone yet, so I had nothing to distract me from all the thoughts and sadness in my head. It was during this time that I really felt a pull and tug in my heart to find a church. I had been a few times to Amanda and Joel’s church, and I had actually enjoyed it. I wasn’t applying anything I heard to my life, but it was still much better than what I had grown up in. I did some research online and found a church that looked promising. That Sunday, I woke up so nervous at the thought of walking into a church again. I got lost on my way, and I remember praying, “Lord, if this is where you want me to go, just show me how to find the church.” As soon as I finished that prayer, I saw the church on my left
One year ago today, I was baptized. Although I had given my life to Christ about a year and half before, I hadn't had the outward proclamation of my faith yet. It was a whirlwind of a weekend for me, and one that I can't help but to smile and rejoice over! You can read about that experience in my blog post here!
In remembrance of that day, I thought I'd finally share the story the Lord has given me. There are several things that I haven't put in here, but maybe one day I will feel brave enough to share those parts. Until then, I'd love for you to see how God rescued and redeemed one of His lost daughters to bring me home to Him :)
Testimony
I grew up in a home that from the outside looked like a
Christian family. Church was a
requirement every Sunday morning, my sister and I participated in just about
everything available from Sunday School, Confirmation camps, mission trips,
vacation bible schools, and so on. My
parents were always actively involved and taught Sunday school classes and
organized events for the church.
However, the Bible and gospel message were never really mentioned
outside of these things.
My high school years were filled with more acting like a
good Christian. I went to a lot of
events through church, but it wasn’t affecting my life. I was constantly lying to my parents about
where I was going on the weekends, which normally consisted of lots of drinking and
hanging out with boys at stranger’s houses. So maybe "acting like a good Christian" isn't the right phrase, but more like "I go to church on Sundays so I can do whatever I want on the weekends and still call myself a Christian..."
Three days after my 18th birthday, I received
some news that still hurts to think about.
My dad sat me down and told me he was leaving my mom – that he just
wasn’t happy anymore. I remember trying
to be so strong for the both of them, not letting them see me cry even though I
fell apart every time I was alone. I
stopped going to church and pretending like I was truly affected by what was
preached on Sunday mornings. Instead, I
threw all of my energy into my relationship with Andrew, a boy I had been
dating since junior year of high school.
He attended a Christian Science church downtown, and invited me to come with him. I wanted nothing to do with church or God or anything at the time, but I wanted to make him happy, so I went. I can vividly remember the first conversation I had about their beliefs with a woman during Sunday school. She told me that we are all perfect, and that God made us perfect in his image. This never set well with me – my heart continuously told me this wasn’t true. I knew enough of the Bible from my time in church to know that sin entered the world and things weren’t perfect, especially us. I fought with her that first day, and I could see it frustrated Andrew. Despite the thoughts and protests going on in my head, I wanted to make Andrew happy; so I just stayed quiet and went to the weekly meetings for another two years.
Andrew and I transferred to Appalachian State to finish our degrees. We stopped going to the Christian Science church while we were there, joined a co-ed fraternity, and never discussed beliefs of any kind. Things were hard with both of our families, and we fought all the time. When our fights got really bad, I remember crying out to God again. I would ask for help and strength to just get through it. I didn’t want to give up on the relationship because I thought that meant I was strong. I wasn't close to my sister at the time, and I didn't have a big group of friends to fall back on - Andrew was it for me, which made those fights so much darker and harder than they might sound.
He attended a Christian Science church downtown, and invited me to come with him. I wanted nothing to do with church or God or anything at the time, but I wanted to make him happy, so I went. I can vividly remember the first conversation I had about their beliefs with a woman during Sunday school. She told me that we are all perfect, and that God made us perfect in his image. This never set well with me – my heart continuously told me this wasn’t true. I knew enough of the Bible from my time in church to know that sin entered the world and things weren’t perfect, especially us. I fought with her that first day, and I could see it frustrated Andrew. Despite the thoughts and protests going on in my head, I wanted to make Andrew happy; so I just stayed quiet and went to the weekly meetings for another two years.
Andrew and I transferred to Appalachian State to finish our degrees. We stopped going to the Christian Science church while we were there, joined a co-ed fraternity, and never discussed beliefs of any kind. Things were hard with both of our families, and we fought all the time. When our fights got really bad, I remember crying out to God again. I would ask for help and strength to just get through it. I didn’t want to give up on the relationship because I thought that meant I was strong. I wasn't close to my sister at the time, and I didn't have a big group of friends to fall back on - Andrew was it for me, which made those fights so much darker and harder than they might sound.
I decided to pursue my Master’s degree in Richmond, where I would get to live and spend time with my dad. Andrew wasn’t interested in moving, so I thought we would give the long-distance thing a try. I wasn’t concerned about it because we had been together over five years and had our lives completely planned out – baby names and all! I went to see him for a few days before making my move to Richmond official. I went inside for about five minutes before my whole world came crashing down. He told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He needed a break in order to see if I was really the one. I was completely shocked, and completely heartbroken. The next few days were probably the hardest of my life so far.
I felt more alone than ever. My dad and his wife were on a two-week trip, so I was all by myself in Richmond. I didn’t know anyone yet, so I had nothing to distract me from all the thoughts and sadness in my head. It was during this time that I really felt a pull and tug in my heart to find a church. I had been a few times to Amanda and Joel’s church, and I had actually enjoyed it. I wasn’t applying anything I heard to my life, but it was still much better than what I had grown up in. I did some research online and found a church that looked promising. That Sunday, I woke up so nervous at the thought of walking into a church again. I got lost on my way, and I remember praying, “Lord, if this is where you want me to go, just show me how to find the church.” As soon as I finished that prayer, I saw the church on my left
The church ended up being huge, so I was quite
intimidated. But then the service
started. The songs that played calmed
me, I could see the lyrics on the screen and they just seemed to have so much
more meaning than I remember songs at church having! Little did I know, that all had to do with the Holy Spirit beginning to open my eyes and ears to the truth. I can’t remember the exact
message that was preached, but I do remember that it had something to do with
just how big and great our God is. I
tried so hard to hold in the tears. I
don’t like crying in front of people, especially when I felt that was all I was
doing at the time. I rushed to my car
afterwards and finally let myself break down.
I told God that I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t deal with this hurt and pain and loneliness on my own. I told him I didn't have any plans for my life anymore - clearly mine weren't working out! I gave everything I had to him that evening, and immediately afterwards, I felt light. Like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t feel happy yet, but like there was hope again.
I told God that I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t deal with this hurt and pain and loneliness on my own. I told him I didn't have any plans for my life anymore - clearly mine weren't working out! I gave everything I had to him that evening, and immediately afterwards, I felt light. Like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t feel happy yet, but like there was hope again.
I lived for Sunday
morning service and filled my iTunes with every Christian song I could find. I read every book I could get my hands on, volunteered every weekend for every event possible. I shared my experiences and questions with my
sister, and she helped to guide me in the right direction. I will forever be thankful for her and Joel and the way the Lord used (and continues to use) them to grow and strengthen my faith.
It feels like every day Lord provides new insights into just how full of mercy and grace he is. I don’t deserve this amazing gift he has given me, and I can’t do anything to earn more of it. When I start regretting things I have done to hurt him not only in the past but every single day, the Lord reminds me of the work his son did on the cross, and how Jesus proclaimed, “It is finished.”
Since my baptism, the Lord has continued to grow my heart towards missions and serving him internationally. I keep thinking of the Great Commission today, and how my deepest desire is for others to experience what I did a year ago. I'm reminded again of the ripple effect of grace, and how experiencing it for ourselves is a great testimony the Spirit uses to make that grace spread!!
My heart is so overwhelmed with the story of redemption and grace available to us because of what Jesus did on that cross. I can't imagine what better way to live my life completely abandoned and surrendered for His namesake! I know the Lord has a purpose for every pain and trial I've gone through, and I pray that I can use them all to glorify His name among the nations. If you would like to join me on that mission, sign up for my newsletter updates on the right :)
It feels like every day Lord provides new insights into just how full of mercy and grace he is. I don’t deserve this amazing gift he has given me, and I can’t do anything to earn more of it. When I start regretting things I have done to hurt him not only in the past but every single day, the Lord reminds me of the work his son did on the cross, and how Jesus proclaimed, “It is finished.”
Since my baptism, the Lord has continued to grow my heart towards missions and serving him internationally. I keep thinking of the Great Commission today, and how my deepest desire is for others to experience what I did a year ago. I'm reminded again of the ripple effect of grace, and how experiencing it for ourselves is a great testimony the Spirit uses to make that grace spread!!
My heart is so overwhelmed with the story of redemption and grace available to us because of what Jesus did on that cross. I can't imagine what better way to live my life completely abandoned and surrendered for His namesake! I know the Lord has a purpose for every pain and trial I've gone through, and I pray that I can use them all to glorify His name among the nations. If you would like to join me on that mission, sign up for my newsletter updates on the right :)
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