September

I remember vividly one moment in the summer of 2015. I had quit my job already at this time to finish fundraising and handle visa issues to move to England. I woke up from a deep sleep, nearly jumped out of bed, and ran downstairs to tell my sister this:

"I'm going to meet my future husband in September!"

I said it with confidence and a smile on my face, yet I had already started altering what I truly felt that morning upon waking up....it was a trend that continued until I finally just started telling people that something big was going to happen in the month of September.

I doubted what I truly heard that morning...I thought it sounded too weird...I thought I would sound foolish saying out loud to others what I felt that morning.

But God sure did make me feel foolish for not believing and

sharing His promise to me that summer day.

When I told my sister that I was going to meet my husband in September, I left out a small detail. I felt God say it was September 2017...two years from that time. In my heart, I was already rushing it...two years??? That felt like way too long. I figured if I shortened it and said it with enough enthusiasm, God would just rush it along....right?

Yet that September came and went. It was a hard one - lots of tears and prayers for my visa struggles and funds to be finalized so I could head to England.

That year passed, and each day that passed, I felt more and more crazy for believing that God had actually spoken to me about my future husband. In fact, about eight or nine months after that morning, I had an epic weekend retreat where I knew God was asking me to lay down my dream of being a wife and mom (you can read about it here).

September 2016 arrived, and I was talking to a guy in the UK. All the boxes were being checked, people were approving - yet something didn't feel 100% for me. I put that thought aside and tried to get myself to just go along with it because it was September...and because I had a tendency to doubt my own thoughts - and the voice of the Spirit.

Life went on and I ended up back in the states in 2017. Thoughts of the upcoming September promise were long gone, until I sat in Deep Run Park crying over the phone to my pastor telling her I just wanted my upcoming trip to England to be a RELEASE - to just go back to my old ways and turn it all off for two weeks before normalacy in Virginia again.

I told her I knew something big was going to happen in September, and the enemy had my mind beginning to believe that the 'something big' was me messing up again...falling back into drinking and lies and boys all over again.

As I finish sharing this with her, I look up and see this guy with familiar tattoos on his calves walking by. I quickly realize it's a guy from my church and call out, 'Mark!!' He proceeds to ignore me the first time (he says it's just cause he wasn't sure...), so I call out for him again (cause I'm not one to be ignored....).

He turns around and gets this smile on his face, and we end up chatting for over two hours. I was in my gym clothes, sweaty and sticky and without any make up on after a workout and cry session. I'd normally feel so uncomfortable in that situation...yet when we started talking, all of my anxiety was gone.

I felt safe. I felt cared for.

I felt special. I felt enough...

I left that evening and texted my sister that I was in trouble...that I needed prayers because this felt different.

Fast forward one year later, and I'm now married to that tattooed man. He still makes me feel safe...loved...special...and like I'm the only girl in the room. He knows me better than anyone, and I'm so lucky to have him say the same.

I know now that what God said was true...I did meet my husband in September 2017.

I have begun to realize that when I feel His presence...feel His voice whispering (or shouting) to me...I can trust that. I don't need to be ashamed of what He tells me, or be afraid that it sounds foolish.

When He speaks, no matter what the world may think of it, or what you fear your friends or family may say, listen. Even when the enemy has you doubting, choose to fight to listen.

Listen for that still small voice...

keep your eyes open for His signs...

let your heart be impressed upon by your Father...

trust His Spirit inside you....

and believe, my friend.

"Just sitting on the porch with you
Knowing now what I never knew like
How much more to life there is
When you have someone to share it with
You stretched this heart of mine
A million miles wide
You wouldn't even recognize the old me"