Struck Down, Not Destroyed

It's my second time at this particular meeting. The first was horribly uncomfortable, and I fought anxiety the rest of the week because of it.

I knew what to expect this time so I didn't feel as nervous. We opened our Bibles and were told to turn to this ever popular verse in Romans:

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God 

and are called according to His purpose for them."

Romans 8:28

People began sharing how comforting this verse was to them - how it gave them hope despite their past decisions and stories. It gave them a sense of purpose and trust in the Lord.

I sat there stunned. 

"Really, y'all? Am I the only one who seriously 
struggles with this verse? 

How can you say that after everything that's happened?"

You see, this meeting is a place for people who struggle with various addictions. These addictions have caused heartache, pain, separation, health issues, financial struggles, etc. 

The people are real. 

The stories are unfiltered.

The depth of sin is tangible.

After my time in Michigan, I've started honestly exploring my past. I've begun to realise things that were done (or not done) to me were not ok. The things I did in response were not ok. I realised the habits I found to release that pain were controlling me.

Right now, the pain in my past is more raw than it has ever been. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the affect decisions have had on me, and will continue to have on me for the rest of my life. 

So for me, this was a cliche verse that Christians just threw out there to make someone feel better. In reality, I see it as a verse that others often use to make themselves feel more comfortable when someone shares the hard struggles of life. I can say this cause I've done it, too.

But now? When someone says this to me, I just ignore it. I push down the anger that swells up, put a smile on my face, and politely nod in thanks to them. They're trying, I know they are. We just don't do well with pain, so we look for ways to fix it instead. 

But that's another lesson I'm learning for another time....

As the meeting went on, I realised that hearing these people share was different.  In their honesty, I knew that:

-These people have truly struggled.  

-They've been in the deepest, darkest pits of life.

-They've fought a battle few will every truly have to face.

Yet here they sit - declaring the Lord's goodenss.

Not just because they are on the other side of the battle, 

but because of His goodness IN the battle. 

I left that meeting with a softened heart. 

On the drive home, I felt the Spirit opening my eyes to see the ways in which what I'm battling now (and will in many ways battle until He calls me home), can actually work for not just His glory, but mine as well. 

The scars I have...

The wounds He's healing...

The bruises from getting knocked down...

They all allow others to see the reality that this life is TOUGH. Being a Christian doesn't change that part. Sin affects us all. 

When I choose to roll up my sleeves and expose the scars, wounds, and bruises instead of covering them up - it lets people see that I'm still fighting.

I haven't given up. I won't give up. 

Yes, I will get knocked down. 

Yes, I will get more bruises and 

wounds in this life. 

Yes, I will cry and get angry at the Lord.

Yet I know deep in my core that those all have a purpose. I am learning that He will use each bruise, each scar, each wound as an opportunity to share how His amazing grace and love makes it possible to get back up every single time. 

Share your scars, friend. Share your wounds. Share your bruises. 

They all point to the fact that you were stronger than each situation, each heartache, each pain and battle. You're still fighting, and you haven't given up - that's a kind of true strength this world needs.