Lay Down Your Isaac

We all have dreams.

We all have these desires and passions and gifts planted deep into our heart - into our very DNA. It may be the desire to help others, a passion for music, a love for adventure and travel, the dream of opening your own restaurant, planting a church and leading people to Christ.

For me, my passion, desire and gifts all converge into one dream: Family. I dream of a marriage that displays the gospel of Christ to the nations. I desperately want to spiritually disciple children so that generations can know Christ.

This week, I was headed to the beach for a little mini-retreat - a time of reflection and desire to get some answers and direction. What I didn't expect was that God was going to ask me to mourn my dream.

Yup...you read that right. God was asking me to mourn the very dream He had planted inside me.

Now, I know mourn is a strong word {trust me, I told God that seemed a bit melodramatic}. It means to feel deep sadness, regret even, over the loss or death of something. Mourning typically involves a lot of weeping, grieving, and pain.

Little did I know, that's exactly what I was going to experience. 

I don't know about you, but my first response when He said that was, "Umm..would you really ask me to mourn the dream that YOU'VE given me? That seems a bit-counterintuitive God, since you placed it there in the first place. Plus, it's just darn cruel. That can't possibly fit your character."

But then I thought of a man who was told exactly the same thing. A man named Abraham had this dream of a family - a BIG family. God had made him this promise and providentially intervened to make this dream happen! God provided a son, Isaac, for Abraham and his wife. YAY!!! God acted on this dream that He had placed in Abraham's heart and Isaac would go on to multiply and have lots and lots of offspring, right?!

Well, yes. But it didn't happen the way Abraham thought.

"Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."

Genesis 22:2

Every time I read that, I'm pretty speechless. No way the God of Love would ask that of His children. 

But He did. 

And He does. 

In my heart, there was no doubt that God was telling me to bring this desire and dream to my own mountain. I was to lay down any thought of being a wife or a mother. I was being told by my Father to lay it on the altar, and plunge a dagger right through it. It felt as if my heart was literally being ripped out of my chest. 

As I sat there on my bed weeping and shaking - full of confusion and fear and doubt - I felt the story of Abraham's sacrifice in new ways. All I could think about was how in the world this man felt in the journey to bring Isaac to Moriah. What thoughts and questions and insecurities was he facing as he walked his son - his one and only son whom the promise and dream of a family was supposed to come through - up to be sacrificed.

Surely he was weeping. 

Surely his hands and body were shaking.

Surely he was questioning God's goodness. 

Surely he felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest.

But Abraham didn't falter. He knew what the Lord had said to him, and he chose to listen and obey. Abraham chose to trust God amidst this confusing & nonsensical request.

Despite the weeping, and shaking, and pain I felt, I knew what God was telling me, too. Like Abraham, I had the choice to listen and be obedient, or run the opposite direction - into what seemed reasonable and good and RIGHT. 

"It fees like my heart is being ripped right out of my chest. 

But I want you to rip it out Father. I want you to take this heart, these dreams, these passions - and fill me with all that you want.  If these dreams won't bring you the most glory take them away. If you have better plans Lord, I want those.

Your word promises to bring life from death. Your word promises you have plans for me.  Your word says you know me because you formed me. Your word in Jesus Christ shows that above everything else, you love me.

So with tears in my eyes, pain in my chest, and frail, shaking hands:I lay down my dreams of a family at the altar. 

They are my sacrifice to you, the God who sees, and provides, and LOVES.

My heart will heal.  My heart will be renewed by your grace washing over it.  There will be a scar, there is no doubt, but I pray it serves as a reminder that you are what matters. More than anything, even good, God-given dreams and promises.  

You are truly all I need. You are the best dream I could ever have.

Thank you. Thank you Father."

Those are the very words I wrote in my journal as I processed all that God was asking of me. I didn't sacrifice my dream with the expectation that, like Abraham, God would sweep in at the last minute and save the day. That's Abraham's story, not ours. 

God may be asking us to sacrifice the very thing that makes our heart beat - and He has zero intention of intervening. We can't partially give up the dream; we have to take a knife to the very core of this dream!

Because, at the end of the day, we aren't made for our dreams. We aren't made to help others, to travel, to live a life of adventure, to open a restaurant, to be a church planter. Sure, we may have God-given skills that fit perfectly with that dream.

I can't tell you how many times I've been told that I was made to be a mother and wife. As much as I love that and know that there's truth in it, it isn't really true. I wasn't made to do any of that.

I was made to worship God. 

I was made to bring Him glory. 

I was made to be a reflection of my Father.

And so were you.

So whatever dream you have, whatever you feel like you were made for - lay it down. Hand it over willingly - with tears in your eyes, shaking & frail hands, pain in your heart - but do it with a heart that trusts God more than your dream.

Do it with a heart that believes in the God who loves you more than anything. 

Who desires to give you life {to the fullest}. 

Who has a dream BIGGER than the one you have. 

Let our Faith in Him always be bigger than any dream we have or fear we feel.

Though You Slay Me - Shane & Shane

"Though tonight I'm crying out

Let this cup pass from me now

You're still all that I need

You're enough for me"