Forgiveness

Forgiveness is hard.  Whether we want to admit it or not, it's an area that can always use more grace and growth.  I used to think I was great at forgiving. 

 'Let's not talk about it.' 

 'It's fine.' 

'Let's move on.'

 'I totally forgive you!'

 'Don't worry - it didn't bother me.' 

The Lord has shown me this past year in some amazing ways that that was never really forgiveness.  I might not have brought it up over and over and I might have appeared to have moved on, but it was always still there. 

The pain of hurt, betrayals, lies, words, past decisions - they all just festered under the surface. 

Orientation for my short-term trip to Fiji last year caused a few of these to just overflow.  I was brought to tears many times from things that happened back in high school - things I swore I had let Christ's blood cover.  That summer, the Lord brought even more things to my mind and heart.  I thank Him so much for allowing me to be in the presence of amazing mentors on the field, as well as being surrounded by sisters and brothers on my team. They encouraged me and asked me questions that went straight to the core. 

Did I really forgive this person for what happened? 

 Have I really moved on from it all? 

Am I pursuing missions just to run away?

Woah....those were some hard and heavy questions!

Today, I can happily say that by God's grace, I am facing these questions head on.  I've begun to heal from some past wounds, and I'm only just scratching the service of others. 

Yet through it all, God is completely covering me in the shelter of His wings.  He is protecting and guarding my heart, giving me a shoulder to cry on, and He listens when I cry out in anger, frustration, or just sadness. As hard and tiring as it's been, it's such a beautiful image of our Father. 

And as our Father, He wants to bring healing and hope to all of His children.  Even if you think you've forgiven someone or feel like you have moved on, I'd encourage you to bring it to the Lord.  Be honest with how it made you feel, and be honest with how it's effecting you now.  You don't need to put on a face of perfection with Him - I promise He sees through it pretty darn easily....It's a really vulnerable step, but just think about who you're going to:  Abba. Father. Protector. Defender. Rock. Shield. Fortress.

Lamb.

the ultimate vulnerable one.

It was through Christ's vulnerability and ultimate trust with His life and soul that we are all redeemed and healed.  Let's be imitators of Him :)

Check out this brief devotional from John Piper for more.