The Start of This Journey
Tomorrow is packing day. I'm sitting here trying to relax and take in my second-to-last night in my bed, but my eyes keep looking up at the suitcase and piles of things I have semi-organized that need to be packed up.
It's so surreal to know that in less than 48 hours, I will be in Florida finishing up my first night of training. In less than 72, I will FINALLY get to meet the awesome people that God has called to Fiji this summer. And in just one week, I will be on the plane to Fiji, about to start this incredible journey God has called me on.
I guess it isn't right to say my journey starts in a few days, or even next week. I think this journey started back in the fall when I first felt this tug in my heart for a missions trip. My life has changed so much since then, and the Lord has been so gracious and kind to me. He has taught me so much about who He is, and who I am in Him. I have been able to be more intentional with my time with Him throughout the day, and His word has become a source of peace for me. I crave that quiet, intimate time with Him and my day is all off-kilter if He isn't the first thing on my mind in the morning.
God has proven Himself so faithful to me during this whole process. Not that He didn't before - I am constantly reminded of His faithfulness when I think of the Cross and all that it means for me. This experience has just proven it to me even more though. When I first started this journey, I was so scared about not knowing enough, about having no idea what to say or how to initiate conversation with others about Jesus. I focused my attention on all the ways in which I needed to work and fix myself up before thinking I would be ready to go out and do the Lord's work.
God is so good to me though. He has revealed to me over and over again the truth that I will never be able to clean myself up. I will never be "good" enough or educated enough to have earned the ability to preach the good news to the nations. And that is SUCH a beautiful, amazing gift! As I sit here tonight, looking back at this journey so far, I see how God has humbled me and loved me through it all.
Like a father loves his daughter, God has stayed by my side, guiding me and teaching me and growing me closer to Him. It hasn't come easy - there have been tears, fights, anger, resentment, and yelling. But that's ok. God wants me to go to Him with all these burdens. He wants me to bring all of those things that make me anxious and lay them at His feet. He wants to take all of those from me and give me His incredible peace.
And I feel that peace tonight. His love and faithfulness is washing over me and I can't help but be in awe. How undeserving I am to feel this, yet His mercy and grace abounds in me. His mercy is new every morning, and my soul is satisfied in that.
It's so surreal to know that in less than 48 hours, I will be in Florida finishing up my first night of training. In less than 72, I will FINALLY get to meet the awesome people that God has called to Fiji this summer. And in just one week, I will be on the plane to Fiji, about to start this incredible journey God has called me on.
God has proven Himself so faithful to me during this whole process. Not that He didn't before - I am constantly reminded of His faithfulness when I think of the Cross and all that it means for me. This experience has just proven it to me even more though. When I first started this journey, I was so scared about not knowing enough, about having no idea what to say or how to initiate conversation with others about Jesus. I focused my attention on all the ways in which I needed to work and fix myself up before thinking I would be ready to go out and do the Lord's work.
God is so good to me though. He has revealed to me over and over again the truth that I will never be able to clean myself up. I will never be "good" enough or educated enough to have earned the ability to preach the good news to the nations. And that is SUCH a beautiful, amazing gift! As I sit here tonight, looking back at this journey so far, I see how God has humbled me and loved me through it all.
Like a father loves his daughter, God has stayed by my side, guiding me and teaching me and growing me closer to Him. It hasn't come easy - there have been tears, fights, anger, resentment, and yelling. But that's ok. God wants me to go to Him with all these burdens. He wants me to bring all of those things that make me anxious and lay them at His feet. He wants to take all of those from me and give me His incredible peace.
And I feel that peace tonight. His love and faithfulness is washing over me and I can't help but be in awe. How undeserving I am to feel this, yet His mercy and grace abounds in me. His mercy is new every morning, and my soul is satisfied in that.
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
(Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV)
Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my journey so far. The
Lord has used so many people and relationships to help shape me and
prepare me for this. Your prayers mean the world to me, and I am so
blessed to be surrounded by this family in Christ. Love y'all!
"You’re knocking on my door
Like the deepest places in you
Calling to the fountains of my soul
Like the deepest places in you
Calling to the fountains of my soul
From the dirt you’ve drawn me out
And you draw me out again
I’m coming back from the dead
I’m coming out of my skin
And you draw me out again
I’m coming back from the dead
I’m coming out of my skin
And you are everything my heart wants
Everything my heart wants
And my heart runs
My heart runs after you"
Everything my heart wants
And my heart runs
My heart runs after you"
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